Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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