just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
