I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
