If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You can't just leave with hair like that
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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