I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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