what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
