Will you blow on my dice?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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