she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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