I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
