well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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