How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
