I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I wish there were birth control emojis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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