i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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