Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
