i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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