I am puke
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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