I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
