my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
