we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
