Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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