Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
