Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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