my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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