Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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