found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
