he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
