I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
