Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
