my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
