u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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