yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
