My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found a bag of teeth...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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