if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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