When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize