I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Welp...herpes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i came on her dog
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
