Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
