I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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