Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
