He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
