I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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