whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
