we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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