yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was born a porn star she said
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
