Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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