are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
