the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize