today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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