Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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