She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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