I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
