Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize