So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
