Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she peed on how many people?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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