if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
