Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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