____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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