Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
