bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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