in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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