mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
