If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
