I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we're so committed to being not committed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
