True but thats because hes a fetus.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
