I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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