Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
