sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
