So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
